This blog was created on January 16, 2012 (see my first post here), because I wanted to have a place to vent about the fact that it is next to impossible to receive adequate eating disorder treatment in Ontario, Canada, unless you can pay out of pocket or have insurance. Being on ODSP (disability) makes it fucking impossible as us on ODSP require services offered by those who accept OHIP (Ontario’s ‘free health insurance’), and let me tell you . . . you’re not getting any 5-star treatment.
Not to shit on our healthcare, as it has saved my life – had I not been able to access ambulatory services I would have died of cardiac arrest in 2012 and 2013) – but there is much to be desired and treatment seems to go towards those who do not want it versus those who DO want it and DO deserve it – not sorry, but I’m of the mindset of if you’re just going to treatment to appease your boyfriend/best friend/family/etc and just plan on engaging in eating disordered behaviour while pretending you’ve relapsed (when really, you just don’t want to get better or worse, you want the attention) then you don’t deserve treatment until you’re willing to NOT take advantage of being so lucky.
I clearly have a lot of anger and resentment and thus, this blog was born. It was never about readers or gaining attention or anything. I actually have maybe ten followers, rarely get comments or views and I don’t care. I have opened this blog so that others perhaps in my position will know they aren’t alone. I am hoping that by some stroke of luck, my ‘story’ has a happy ending and that this blog will show that there truly is a silver lining.
I haven’t found that silver lining yet but since when does life ever go your way?